untitled

it was lost,

at a first glance,

searchin for the worthy hands,

scurry'n to pick apart the pieces,

of a broken man,

if only,

holdin sands of time,

applied enough pressure,

to every flesh wound,

that i have left in my ledger,

and i better say,

you better not,

starin at a broken clock,

waitin for the time,

when i can finally buy a better watchhhh.....

good enough to get a record deal,

but man enough to never,

pan handle for electric bills,

steady skills,

keep the ready n will,

on some heavy kill,

dressed to the 9s,

til i grinddd off these shoe heels,

leap froggin,

every scapegoat,

thats ever broke the path,

holdin up your glass,

but i can smell it on your sober ass,

november....

its gettin colder,

and depression...

starts to really set-in,

fuckin worse than armegeddon,

who you tellin!?

been to hell in back,

at least half way,

i mean,

Half of what i say,

aint even Half that great,

but i....

every time the needle drops,

i feel im ready to escape it,

if only i could shapeshift,

into fuckin greatness,

but always,

its the pencil breakin off,

before i finish,

sometimes i get pissed,

and sometimes its good riddens,

either way,

i need the closure,

somthin to get me closer,

to puttin my name,

next to his,

on that poster,

im a soldier,

so im goin nonstop,

til i can touch it,

kiss it on the cheek,

and tell it how much i love it,

i aint budgin,

til it sucks the fuckin life,

outta my stomach,

push me off the top bunk,

just watchin,

as i plummet,

im a cardboard cut out,

of what a rappers supposed to be,

but onily,

these phony silhouettes,

still aint approachin me, 

i......

watch the blood drip,

slow like,

pull the hammer back,

and just WAIT for a green light,

now....

its up to you,

to find your way back,

when home isnt home no more,

thats the payback,

and i....

*this is a project that I hope to work on with my friend Brian....look out.

side note: pay no attention to spelling...rappers are too cool to spell correctly while writing. 

...and last but not least

So this is my official introduction of Abel Joshua Mercer. This guy has made me proud since the very first day he arrived, Star Wars day. May the 4th be with you!!! He is just a turtles eyelash over 6 months old now and he is BUSY! Abel was our one last try at having a baby girl. Wonk wonk wonkkkk. That's okay. I mean if you've seen this guy in person you'd understand. He is truly the best! People sometimes are taken back by the name Abel although I do not know why. The names been around since the Book of Genesis. We get the lame joke, "Where's Cain, derrr?" quite a bit but no worries. Abel is strong. Abel is different. Abel was the first to be in God's favor. Most importantly Abel is the name me and his momma chose for him so step off sucka.

This is my third son yet I feel like I'm experiencing so much for the first time. If you've read my previous blogs you'll know that I am as of  recently a stay at home father. Well, you may not know, that previous to that Jaimie spent 6 years in nursing school and I was the sole proprietor. Which was fine, but daddy worked hard! Sometimes 10,12 and 14 hr shifts. It was very tedious work. It was very tiring and worst of all stressful. The moral of the story is that I know now just by judging the time I've spent with Abel I was seriously taking my time for granted. I missed so much of what Averey and Alex were going through. Of course, I would've never let you tell me that then, but I'm man enough to admit it now. Most importantly we are making up for it now while I'm at home. I mean if you know a better treasure map drawer or blanket fort maker, you let me know.

On to Abel, the man of the hour. This little ball of goofiness is the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. I was starting to feel a little stagnant in life truthfully. The music slowed down. Work was no more. You can only cut the grass in so many directions before you flat out despise it. Then, I met Abel. Now I write songs because I'm inspired. He has become my work.(and these are the longest hours to date) I cut the grass with a smile because I want Abel to live in a nice house. Abel didn't only help me out of my funk but brought Jaimie and I much closer together. We were always okay but we've been together 11 years and married for 6. So, it's safe to say redundancy set in a little. No more! We are alive! It has been almost 6 years since Lex was born.(now go back a couple sentences and give me props for knocking her up on our wedding night..boom) So we literally feel like new parents again. Once again I'm home so much now that I don't miss a single thing. All these things that Jaimie did while I was slaving at work biding time in between smoke breaks she was conquering new frontiers at home. I am so proud of her. I kiss her so much now. I smile at her because she made me smile in that moment not because husbands are supposed to.

Another thing Abel has helped me with is my coping abilities. I was "blessed" with a family that has so many stressful issues that it would only damper my mood to list them all. Trust me. Abel helped hide me from all that. Averey is in second grade and Lex is in kindergarten so they have their own little thing going on. Jaimie is super nurse at St. Mary's so we hang when we can, but Abel, that's my man. My safety blanket. I can tell Abel all my troubles. My stresses over my mother and the way I worry over my father. Abel is a good listener. He's a better healer. To sit at home and pull my hair out alone would be the absolute worst. Luckily, that is not the case. I have my baby. MY baby. MY life. MY problems to worry about. Abel let's me know to concentrate on the things at hand. Only worry about what you can control and that slobbery baby kisses can in fact cure all.

When I was younger, I was, in all truthfulness, infatuated with bad things. I loved the worst kind of music. I wanted to be in a gang. I liked the thought of drugs and guns. I was in numerous unattractive situations. Today, I am not that person even a little bit. I mean I love to shoot a gun or watch a mafia flick with the rest of the fellas, but I was born to be a father. I am a daddy to the highest power! It came natural. I just know what to do. I love my boys more than I knew was fathomable. Without them I am not me. I believe that I take being a father even more serious than a lot of my friends. Sometimes too serious, but it's my calling. I'm not saying that my friends aren't good fathers but it's easy to take it for granted. Trust me I know. I only hope that they someday feel what I feel. To take your child a glass of water when you hear a faint cough or lie straight to their face when they ask if riding a bike with no feet is a cool trick. It is something that is in me now. Thank you boys...

...and last but not least, back to my newest main man Abel. You have recharged my batteries son. You have given me new life. You healed wounds and saved a marriage. You filled a void and earned your place. Thank you Abel. I love you so very much.

Daddy

How Can Hip-Hop Be Dead When Wu-tang Is Forever...Forever??

Please keep in my mind that this could actually turn into more of a super long question than a blog. Soooo the almighty W is set to release their 6th studio album soon. (TBA) Now like a lot of heads, I'll be checkin' for that shit as soon as it drops. I mean we wouldn't be "real" heads if we didn't right? Gotta keep it trill I always say. My question to you is, do you REALLY think it's going to be at all close to your expectations? I guess that depends on your personal expectations but come on, it's the fucking WU! 

Let's start by asking what is the single greatest piece in their catalogue? Some will say "36 Chambers son! No Fuckin' Doubt!!" Some will say, "Forever was their most complete album to date!" In my opinion, any other answer would be proof of your ignorance....but that's MY opinion. Personally, 36 Chambers is my favorite album but I would say Forever is a "better" piece. Now this leaves us with "The W", "Iron Flag" and the controversial "8 Diagrams". Let me admit first and foremost that I went out and bought every one of these with my eyes wide shut. (with the exception of 8 Diagrams in which my homie Rob got me for my birthday..shout out Rob) They weren't terrible records but they were NOT good records. They WERE mediocre records with really good songs, but that's all I can give them. Now I know there are those cats out there that will say, "Merse! What in the Fuck?! You dissin' the Wu like that?!" Nope, not dissing, evaluating. You can ask me a million times who my favorite rap group of all time is and I will say 999,999 times Wu-tang. I can't promise I wont have one drunken moment were I'm yelling out Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. This brings me to my next question. Are they really better as an actual studio group OR a conglomerate of incredible artists?

Whether it's the RZA as one of the most successful producers of all time, Method Man's crazy dope styling, Rae and Ghost's amazing joint/solo endeavors, the forever lasting impression of ODB's lyrics that are still stuck in our brains(Heyyyyy...Dir-tayyyyy), GZA who always spits it timelessly or just a good ol' Wu-affiliates grimy ass track that we never can quite remember what CD it's off of, it's undisputed, this is the crew of all crews! But is that it? Is That how we should look at the "Best" hip-hop group of all time? Is that blasphemous?

My favorite emcee in the group is by far Raekwon. Dude's lyrics can make a petite white girl feel like slippin' on a pair of Wallabees and diving face first into a mountain of coke. I think Meth is probably the most accurate rapper in and out of the pocket, not to mention the most commercially sound. Ghost is the freshest. GZA is the thinker. INS is the undercover city guy. ODB is the bastard plain and simple. RZA is what you make of him lyrically. The others FOR ME kinda fall by the wayside but not because they're unmentionable, but they are in just too great of company. So...we've acknowledged that some of hip-hop's greatest solo artists have come from this one group. Does that really make them the best group? Is it enough of a debate for me to uproot my entire belief system and say that they just might not be? Hmmmmmmmm. Not yet...not yet. So let's just all get way too excited for their next album with the hopes of being pleasantly blown away, enjoying all the solo joints in the meanwhile. Just remember to protect ya neck.

Wu-tang Forever.

Happy Hallowedding

So this year the end of October didn't only mean eating half of my children's candy or getting my annual case of carpel tunnel from carving mediocre pumpkins. This October, October 27th to be exact, I had the honor of being a groomsman in one of my very best friend's weddings. It was my first time and I was super nervous but what kind of man turns that opportunity down. It did make it a little easier that he had 10 guys in his party! Yes, I said 10! Jacob, that's his name, is kind of a hella likable guy. He has many acquaintances and in this case a pretty huge group of besties to stand up for him. Let me be modest in saying that it was nothing less than an amazing experience. Everything was perfect, right down to the imperfections.

So, Jacob, well he really really liked this girl Jackie. Jackie, well, she's a pretty incredible chic. She's super duper talented, very ambitious and makes the normal uber creative person feel JUST under par. She did EVERYTHING at the wedding! She made it all. She designed it all! I mean, the wedding was set to start at "3ish" and I stroll in at 1:30 in full tuxedo swag and this girl in sitting in front of a fold out banquet table STILL decorating her own wedding cake! Which was pretty friggin awesome I might add! Let me sum up my impression of Jackie by saying that if you do not know her, then you are just slightly lesser of a person than those of us who do. With that being said, congratulations Jake, you did good my friend.

Now lets get to the real reason I felt I needed to share my day with you. This was not just any wedding. It was by far a full blown life experience. These two are so perfect for each other it's ridiculous and to watch them be joined together for eternity first hand, well that was humbling. Jake had a friend Sean officiate. It was literally friendship everywhere all day long. You could feel that energy in the building. So many smiles and hugs. You felt like a better person just by being there. Damn it, you just knew on the inside you were a part of something special! Personally, it's the best day I've had in a long long time. My wife Jaimie and our 3 boys were there with me which made it that much more awesome. It was a total love fest everywhere you turned. As soon as they started reading their vows my "grown ass man" wall crumbled to the floor as I began weeping like a school girl. I swear watching them be together made me want to be a better husband to Jaimie and I'm a PRETTY good hubby! I had the opportunity to see just about every person that has touched my life over the years all in one place and I made a handful of new friends as well. So, as I drank cup after cup of free Sam Adams and got jiggy in the photo booth the time seemed to be flying by. I remember Jake walking past me just giving me that "hell yeah" look while Jaimie and I were watching our middle son Lex do his trademark head spin break dance move out on the floor and I felt...perfect. So after a couple of hundred bro hugs and handshakes we were watching Jake and Jax get into their shiny white limo. The night was indeed over but the memory will last me a lifetime. I would like to take this time to thank Mr. and Mrs.Snider for including me in their day. You truly do not know the impact of such a simple gesture. I love you guys!

Him Called Merse

Greetings. My name is Stephen Mercer, also known as Merse, along with numerous other monikers you may or may not learn over time. Let me introduce myself by telling you first and foremost I am a family man. I have a beautiful wife Jaimie and 3 amazing boys (Averey 7, Alexander 5 and our newest edition Abel who is a staggering 6 months). As of last year, I have become a stay at home father while Jaimie brings home the bacon. This has most definitely taken some getting used to, BUT I'm beginning to make great strides. I cook. I clean. I pick-up and drop off. I am still getting the hang of the whole laundry thing, but I DO have the equivalent of a Bachelors degree in second grade math. When I'm not father of the year, I am a musician, a writer, a poet, a thinker, a spectator, pop culture addict and all around swell fellow. I am starting this blog to vent, share, collect and inspire. One might wonder the significance of the name The Broken Toy Box. Let me enlighten you.

As a child, I had this Little Tikes football toy box. It was my world. It traveled to every bedroom into every home that I was blessed enough to live in. After years of cramming it full of He-men and Thundercats, it cracked. It wasn't a death blow to my toy haven but it was noticeable.Year after year the crack grew. Still I filled it to the brim. Whenever a storm trooper or feisty ewok had made its glorious escape, I would simply grab it up and toss it back on top. I have become this toy box. I have seen and experienced many things and I keep them all inside. It's not always the healthiest thing to do, but it's my mechanism and so far it has worked. You might say over the years and the family, and the car payments, and rent checks along with a healthy dose of life's other stresses, I have formed a bit of a crack in my side. Therefore, I write. I watch. I listen. It helps tremendously and I am hoping to share my scribbles with you. I won't let myself totally hang out in this initial post but I promise you that I will indeed unfold as time goes on. My name is Merse. Thanks for looking at me.